What to Call a Midlife Date — Last night I went out to dinner to celebrate my friend’s birthday. Well, not my friend exactly, more like the man I’ve been dating for a few years. …

My mother is a new person now — My mother is gone, except really she’s not. That’s her now, shuffling down the hall toward where I sit at a pace I can’t fairly call slow. It’s more like hyperslow — each step doesn’t quite trust the one that came before. When she grins, I recognize her. Except when…

I’m trying a new approach to the pain and suffering around me. It may be working. — My go-to approach to crisis has always been to rely on my most rational sensibilities. Observe the symptoms, identify the problem, come up with a solution, and execute. …

The Japanese practice of daily care and attention — Taking care of your health doesn’t always feel fun or exciting. It’s often seen as something we have to force ourselves to do — at worst, a daily drudgery, at best, a routine monotony. In fact, the responsibility of maintenance in general is rarely seen as pleasurable. That was how…

Everything I know about being a man I learned from a woman. — Doctors on Tuesday declared my mom “cured” from cancer. I wrote the following story about her for Men’s Health magazine about five years ago, as she was going through chemotherapy and radiation. I recently posted about her on my Instagram feed, and many people wanted to read the story. …

Why we get the most from those we know the least — As I re-enter the word, in fits and starts, I’m surprised to learn what I’ve missed the most during the pandemic. Yes, I missed family and friends, but even more I’ve missed those I don’t know. Strangers. It’s not the kindness of strangers I’ve missed but their mere presence. I’ve…

Without snacks, I’d never publish a word — You want me to babysit your kid? Take me out for french fries. You want me to water your plants while you’re on vacation? Offer me a bag of those dill pickle chips from Trader Joe’s. I guess you could say I’m easily bribed. Especially when it comes to food…

Therapist Pauline Boss explains why it’s harder to grieve in the face of uncertainty—and why ambiguous loss is everywhere in 2021 — I spent most of the pandemic grieving, though, at the time, I didn’t think I was sad about the pandemic itself. Everyone around me seemed to have specific losses. Their loved ones had died, or they had long Covid. They had friends they couldn’t see or jobs they’d lost. I…

A message to the swimsuit industry — This summer, I’ve decided to jump in the lake. There’s a big, beautiful lake minutes from my house and I haven’t been in it since my kids were little. A decade, at least, of thoughtlessly avoiding the pristine waters of my home place, ignoring what may be the perfect therapy…

What it is and why it’s critical in the modern world — This is part one in a series. The second part explains how exactly how to build a happiness fence. Life in the modern world is full of dogs shitting on your lawn. Let me explain. Up until the pandemic, I was the quintessential “people-pleaser.” My calendar was packed from morning…

With a list of common things the author is trying to be a little more accepting of — Lice will find you, people will hit Reply All and Do Not Call lists are only marginally effective. Oh well. Dogs will be dogs, every time, in every way. Oh well. Hemorrhoids and stretch marks are forever. Oh well. Experts make mistakes and parenting books have limited applicability. Ditto diets…

Turns out you don’t need a room of your own in order to write after all — I had always wanted to cook, but my first kitchen, no more than a 6-foot-by-6-foot linoleum-tiled square in my tiny walk-up apartment, stopped me from cooking anything more than couscous salad and the occasional batch of pumpkin muffins. I had always longed for a green thumb, but my first garden…

Emotional stability is the sexiest quality in a fellow human being — It’s what we’re all thinking when we scroll through dating profiles: “His arm muscles look extra bulgy holding that giant marlin on that little charter fishing boat, but what happens when shit hits the fan?” I’ve read 252 books on dating psychology, have a Ph.D. in human behavior, and interviewed…